Publishing Purgatory & Pants
I've lost my focus. I have a book coming out in two months and I have no idea where to put my attention. It feels like I'm doing nothing and everything at once. I’m working on too many things but don’t know which things are the most important.
So let me list out the pieces of my messy month and see if I can come out the other side with some insight that could be useful for anyone, regardless of what kind of month you've had…
(Before I joke around about all my self-absorbed woes, I just want to acknowledge that there are genuinely more pressing things happening around the world. There is a war going on. There is a desperate fight for democracy. Innocent people are being bombed 🇺🇦🇺🇦, fleeing from their homes without any idea of what happens next. Meanwhile, LGBTQ 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ rights are being challenged all over this country. Awful hateful dehumanizing legislation is getting passed in state after state. These issues deserve a lot of attention, and this fact is on my mind even while I joke a bit about my creative pursuits.)
I just came back from AWP (Association of Writers & Writing Programs—why isn't it called AWWP? we'll never know...), which was in Philadelphia this year. I met some great folks, but it was also a bit overwhelming being around so many people and so much noise. By the end of the event, I started signing my books with "I'm sorry for everything."
I just got a colonoscopy 💩, which required a lot of hours in the bathroom preparing. Mostly awful, but I’m proud to say that I (re)watched a whole season of BoJack Horseman from the toilet. 🚽
I got a really good review of my book from Kirkus Reviews. I typically don't trust people who feel resoundingly about anything, but for a few days, I'll take in the nice feeling of hearing my book called "a resounding success."
I'm going to Halifax for my day job in a few weeks, which involves a crazy crooked two-layover route from Portland and I'm not sure if the Xanax will last.
I had fun writing something called ”Writing Is Stupid” for the Growlery about how... writing is stupid.
I'm stalled out while working on a few of my videos about... being stalled out.
I'm animating even more stick figures for my book launch event and it's taking way too many hours and I'm not even half way done. (The teaser is the picture at the top of this post.)
I’m about to (hopefully, probably, maybe) restart my old podcast Neurotic Tornado even though there is no way I have time for this, but I really want to check in with my wife about all kinds of personal and relational issues (like OBSESSION).
When speaking with my publicist, I pretend that I like publicity, but half of me (or let’s say 73% of me) just wants to hide under my desk. Check out my current list of events for more details about when I’ll be coming out from under my desk.
I'm working on a new (aka old) novel. Some stories. A few essays. Nothing gets finished. Everything is in motion.
Even though there are some good things going on and some great people around me, I’ve got this tendency right now to feel disoriented, unfocused, and overwhelmed.
Ten years ago, when my debut novel was published, this feeling happened as well. But I thought it wouldn't happen this way again. I'm older, right? Wiser, maybe? I thought that I wouldn't let the overwhelmedness of publishing a book get to me. But it does. It has.
I guess no matter how much older, no matter how many more colonoscopies I get, I'm still me (minus a few polyps that were removed).
But I still worry. I still get wrapped up in stupid shit. I still want to hide under my desk a lot of the time.
OK. Maybe I'm 13% better, wiser, more calm.
But the anxiety and dread and obsessive thoughts… it’s still a constant battle.
What is my wisdom for you? What is the only definitive thing that I can tell you right now? Maybe it’s just this ↯↯↯
Whether you're at a big event with lots of noisy people, or you're crouched under your desk and filled with anxiety, or you're taking a long and winding flight, or you've just swallowed all 24 of those laxative pills in order to prepare for a colonoscopy:
Wear comfortable pants.
👖👖👖👖👖
