some honest and chaotic thoughts about creativity and book launch week (with A LOT of pictures)
So I did a reading at historic Powell's Books on Tuesday — the day of my book launch. But I also decided to use the days leading up to the book launch to push out all kinds of crazy creative things. I’m not positive that I can come to a grand conclusion about what this all means. But I’ll try, and at the very least, I can meander us through a picture-filled story that involves books and apps and social media and videos and music and essays and podcasts, and then I can land us (in the final postscript) inside a messy gazpacho filled with guilt and passion and triumph. Who wouldn’t want to go on that kind of adventure!?!?!? 🎢🛼🚌
The Depression and Anxiety Episode (podcast)
With my novel (I Only Cry with Emoticons) coming out in just a few weeks, I figured it would be a good time for us to discuss my relationship to depression and anxiety over the years. Turns out that I used to date depression but now I'm hooking up with anxiety. So... yay??? Check out the latest Neurotic Tornado 😫🌪 podcast episode.
Spiral of Foreboding (podcast)
The next episode of the Neurotic Tornado 😫🌪 podcast is live! So far, we’re actually pulling off the every-two-weeks schedule!… This episode was a little bit trickier to name. Even when I hear good news (like a positive book review or when a cool radio personality wants to interview me), I’m capable of being filled with dread and a sense of foreboding. So my wife comes up to the attic to help me figure things out. Again. ❤️️❤️️❤️️ We also talk about why my sense of object permanence is only slightly better than a baby's. 🥄🥄🥄 You can listen to the episode right from this blog post with the button below. But even better, instead of listening to the episode here like a digital caveman, you should really just subscribe to the Neurotic Tornado 😫🌪 podcast!
The Rebirth of the Neurotic Tornado Podcast
At the most inconvenient possible time, I’ve decided to restart my Neurotic Tornado podcast! 😫🌪 In this season (#4), my wife comes up to the attic and we discuss some of my mental baggage, especially related to sharing creative stuff with the world (like my forthcoming novel). I’ve been struggling with issues around obsessive thinking, anxiety, dread, insecurity, chronic pain, and more. And so I thought it would be a delightful romp to work through this stuff with microphones in our faces! 😜
On a serious note, I did want to talk about these issues and understand them better as I try to be a happier, healthier human. And my wife has some cool insights in this realm.
If you want to learn more about the podcast series…
Publishing Purgatory & Pants
I've lost my focus. I have a book coming out in two months and I have no idea where to put my attention. It feels like I'm doing nothing and everything at once. I’m working on too many things but don’t know which things are the most important.
So let me list out the pieces of my messy month and see if I can come out the other side with some insight that could be useful for anyone, regardless of what kind of month you've had…
miscellaneous thoughts about my insecurities with publishing things
A few months ago, I posted about how I missed blogging. I wrote it as if blogging was dead, as if I wasn't writing those words on MY OWN BLOG... It wasn't until I got some feedback (thank you, Betsy! 😜) along the lines of, "so... why not keep blogging!?" that I realized there's nothing stopping me from posting things in just the way I once loved to do.... Nothing stopping me, except for me. But ME is a pretty difficult force to overcome. I’m so nervous about saying something the wrong way, or someone reading it the wrong way, or regretting something I say… 😱 To the point where I freeze up at the keyboard when I’m writing something specifically meant for a blog or for social media. It all feels a lot scarier and more complicated these days…
the insecurities of one writer (video)
So I've had this sorta-close-to-ready video sitting on my laptop for over two years now. It's about various voices in my head that make me insecure as a writer. The thing about the video is that I don’t think I quite strike the right tone. It's a little too cheesy, but also a little too dark, but also not quite funny enough, and it has 12% more cursing than usual. So I guess I'm insecure about my video... that’s about my insecurities about my writing. And now, a few years later, I'm totally busy with other things, and I don't have what it takes to revisit this video and get it to the proper finish line. On the other hand, there’s something about this video that still speaks to me. I don't want to just throw it into the (digital) fire. So, I did what any mediocre YouTuber would do, I pooped out this messy content for the world to see anyhow.
12: Marrying an Insecure Angsty Depressive
In this podcast episode, I talk to my wife about what it is like to be married to an insecure, angst-ridden, depressed person. Is it as sexy as it sounds? I was particularly insecure and full of anxiety in the first few years of our relationship and we talk about how that impacted our relationship. Join us for this delightful romp! (p.s. The podcast name has changed to Neurotic Tornado. Sorry. The podcast feed is the same -- you don't have to do anything to keep receiving episodes.)
8: Our Dark Periods
In this podcast episode, I talk to my wife about our "dark period." Actually, she clarified for me that we have had several dark periods -- these are periods in our marriage where we have really struggled to connect, nearly to the point of it all falling apart. Not only do we talk about our dark periods, but we talk about my obsession about talking about our dark periods. And we talk about my (previous) fear of having kids. What's not to like?
7: Never Good Enough
In this episode, I bully my wife onto the show. Listen to her talk about my various failings as a husband. Everything from my failures as a lawn mower-er to my inability to plan trips with the family to our combined attraction for Angel, the brooding vampire with a soul from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What's not to like?